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His adoring hand instantly recoils.He has a child. It is right beside him, growing unseen within that bulge. Once again, he is shaken by her words. At the same time, the thought that he will never know his firstborn troubles him. It is strange. A few seconds ago he felt sublimely content caressing that swollen belly. Yet right now, he cannot stand to be near that ticking time-bomb of complications. As gently as he can, he rolls over and sits up. In the shadows before him he can just make out. John was glad of it when Liam Malley burst into his office that morning, followed by Julie who wore an expression between anger and worry. John noticed she waited at the door.“Listen Colshaw,” he shouted, leaning over the desk, “I told you to leave Carol alone. I won’t have you bothering her. Stop it or I warn you–”“You’ll do what, Mr. Malley?” John said.“You know what happened the last time; it’ll be worse this time. Keep away from her.”“You are of course referring to your buddies, Carol’s. I wasn’t ugly by any stretch of the imagination, but a little short, not very masculine, a little self-conscious and not hugely used to interacting with girls.I was eager to change this fact, but I felt like something of a romantic; I didn’t want a random hook-up, and besides, I wasn’t sure I had the confidence or know how to make anything happen that way.What I was sure of, was that there was a girl I had in mind to pursue.She was sort of a long time crush of mine. I’d known her since the last. With John, somehow he had managed to combine his conscience with his subconscious mind. It may have been the rejection, he felt toward Terri. Carrie had even written it might have been when she entered his life.I had read that journal with hopes of helping John however, in doing so I learned something about myself instead. I was in the process of swapping my conscious mind for my subconscious one. In one, I was Cathy and in the other, I was Carrie. John saw me, as Carrie and he loved me as.
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